It's hard to believe only a little over two months ago you took your final breath. I don't think it will ever stop hurting the way it does. I find myself filled with anticipation to see you each morning. To make up your grain, to clean your ever so messy stall. What I wouldn't give to clean your stall again... I find myself wanting to curl up on your saddle pad, and breathe you in again. I can't count the number of times I've broken down in the corner of your stall. Sometimes when we drive down the hill I still search for you. I will admit that I was angry you had to go. I still remember the feeling in my gut when I checked your breathing rate that morning. I knew it was going to be goodbye, I just didn't want to know it. I don't think I'll ever forget that phone call. The call that informed us, whilst in the middle of Walmart, that my best friend wasn't going to be here the next morning. I know when Gunner came along he kind of stole me away, but you know he didn't. You, and I know he didn't... You were always my favorite, because you were my always. But, our relationship was filled with special, quiet moments. Moments that had nothing to do with anyone else, moments that no one else noticed. You were there for me when I was nine, and my eyes were filled with infinite wonder at the sight of you. You were there to make me smile, and to make me cry. What I wouldn't give for you to make me cry again... You were there when I was twelve, and trying to figure out who in this great big world I was. You were there when I was thirteen, and no one seemed to like me except for you. You were there when I was fifteen, and the world seemed to be crashing down on me. You where there for me when I was insecure, when I was sad, when I was scared, when I was lonely, hurt, frustrated, content, happy, crazy, and full of unbreakable determination. I don't know if anyone understands the way I felt when I left you that night when I was fifteen years old. My heart broke. I thought about you constantly through those three years. I never stopped thinking about you. I dreamed about the day when I would be with you again. When I came to visit you three years later, it was like things had never changed. I remember the way tears filled my eyes, and you nuzzled me gently. Then another year went by before I saw you again, but I was going to see you again... You were there when I fell in love. You carried me that day as I rode beside John, and fell in love with him. You were there when I found my happily ever after. You were the first one I told I had fallen hopelessly in love with him. You were always there. You where there when I needed someone to cry on after Grandma died. You were so good at listening. You gave me the courage I needed to take Gunner on. You kept me grounded when I just needed gentleness. You gave your all to me. You were selfless for years upon years. You gave me wings, Trixie. You gave me wings. We were unstoppable. You taught me how to be brave, and how to be gentle. I always had you. The day I had to say goodbye to you didn't seem real. I tried to be strong, I tried to be brave. But, I couldn't. God loaned you to me for a little while, and I'm so thankful for that. I don't think I'll ever stop wishing you were here. I know I'll never stop thanking the Lord for the life He gave to you. Thank you for letting me love you for all of those years. Thank you for putting up with my craziness. Thank you for helping me become the horsewoman I am today. I will be forever grateful for you. Thank you for being my best friend since the time I was only nine years old.
I will always love you.
Love,
Your Girl
