{ " Dear Trixie " }

Dear Trixie, 

It's hard to believe only a little over two months ago you took your final breath. I don't think it will ever stop hurting the way it does. I find myself filled with anticipation to see you each morning. To make up your grain, to clean your ever so messy stall. What I wouldn't give to clean your stall again... I find myself wanting to curl up on your saddle pad, and breathe you in again. I can't count the number of times I've broken down in the corner of your stall. Sometimes when we drive down the hill I still search for you. I will admit that I was angry you had to go. I still remember the feeling in my gut when I checked your breathing rate that morning. I knew it was going to be goodbye, I just didn't want to know it. I don't think I'll ever forget that phone call. The call that informed us, whilst in the middle of Walmart, that my best friend wasn't going to be here the next morning. I know when Gunner came along he kind of stole me away, but you know he didn't. You, and I know he didn't... You were always my favorite, because you were my always. But, our relationship was filled with special, quiet moments. Moments that had nothing to do with anyone else, moments that no one else noticed. You were there for me when I was nine, and my eyes were filled with infinite wonder at the sight of you. You were there to make me smile, and to make me cry. What I wouldn't give for you to make me cry again... You were there when I was twelve, and trying to figure out who in this great big world I was. You were there when I was thirteen, and no one seemed to like me except for you. You were there when I was fifteen, and the world seemed to be crashing down on me. You where there for me when I was insecure, when I was sad, when I was scared, when I was lonely, hurt, frustrated, content, happy, crazy, and full of unbreakable determination. I don't know if anyone understands the way I felt when I left you that night when I was fifteen years old. My heart broke. I thought about you constantly through those three years. I never stopped thinking about you. I dreamed about the day when I would be with you again. When I came to visit you three years later, it was like things had never changed. I remember the way tears filled my eyes, and you nuzzled me gently. Then another year went by before I saw you again, but I was going to see you again... You were there when I fell in love. You carried me that day as I rode beside John, and fell in love with him. You were there when I found my happily ever after. You were the first one I told I had fallen hopelessly in love with him. You were always there. You where there when I needed someone to cry on after Grandma died. You were so good at listening. You gave me the courage I needed to take Gunner on. You kept me grounded when I just needed gentleness. You gave your all to me. You were selfless for years upon years. You gave me wings, Trixie. You gave me wings. We were unstoppable. You taught me how to be brave, and how to be gentle. I always had you. The day I had to say goodbye to you didn't seem real. I tried to be strong, I tried to be brave. But, I couldn't. God loaned you to me for a little while, and I'm so thankful for that. I don't think I'll ever stop wishing you were here. I know I'll never stop thanking the Lord for the life He gave to you. Thank you for letting me love you for all of those years. Thank you for putting up with my craziness. Thank you for helping me become the horsewoman I am today. I will be forever grateful for you. Thank you for being my best friend since the time I was only nine years old. 

I will always love you. 

Love,

Your Girl

{ " Rediscovering Beauty " }

I have never worn much makeup, mainly just mascara with some blush, and highlighter. Those are the three things I like to use. And lipstick of course, because c'mon... there's always time for lipstick!

I have gone makeup free for almost two weeks now, and it has reopened my eyes...

When I started wearing makeup a couple of years ago, I didn't actually know what effect it would have on my over all "self esteem". I feel like most women find that makeup boosts their self esteem. It makes you feel more confident, sometimes older, sometimes younger, more put together, and more attractive. Well, those can all be true. But, what happens when the makeup comes off? Does that confidence level sink, do you feel like you look old again, do you feel like you look like a child again, or perhaps less attractive? I'm pretty sure the answer to all of those questions in a lot of cases is yes. Anyone can use the excuse that you're "enhancing" your natural beauty... And, I guess it could be true. But, who is born with perfectly blurred, and bright under eyes, bronze eyelids, and eyelashes that are long enough to reach above their eyebrows?! Not anyone I know...

I realized I started to look at other women, with makeup on, or without, and I couldn't get over how beautiful they were. Why wasn't I that beautiful? What could I do to make myself more beautiful? Could I pile on more mascara? More tinted moisturizer? More blush, and highlighter? Maybe if I put on an "on trend" lip color I'd look more grown up.

I have a secret to tell you all... The only way I was going to make myself more beautiful, was by making my inside more like Christ. This really shouldn't be a secret, but I feel like it is. Your heart shines onto your face. The stereotypical world view of beauty is generally this...

I'm pretty sure that day I felt "attractive", "awake", and "mature"... To be honest, I'm not sure who that girl is anymore. So why does some black paint on our eyelashes, and some pink dust on our cheeks make us feel so significant, and uplifted? It is, because we care so much about what others think about us, without even realizing it! One of my biggest issues with my self image is that I look so young. I really started getting into makeup when I had a lot of photography "gigs", and I felt like I needed to look professional. When I had makeup on, my age was never questioned. Well, last week I was asked TWICE what grade I was in... GRADE! Not even what I do for work, or if I was in college. When I told the women I was married, they both had a very similar reaction, and they were shocked. The fact that people always mistook my age bothered me SO much that I always made sure I had mascara on in public. I couldn't run the risk of people thinking I was a ginormous little kid! 

My husband is the real reason I stopped wearing makeup for these past two weeks. I am so grateful for him, and his true love for me. He actually doesn't like it when I wear makeup. He doesn't like that girl up there in that first picture. He loves her though. He pointed out to me, that focusing on my self image, my self esteem, and how I "felt" I looked, took my focus off of where it should be. Christ. He asked me what good would there be if I gained the world, but lost my soul. I had lost sight of the fact that God made me exactly how He desired. I will always, and have always been beautiful to God. Why should I care if I look like a child to other people?! Well, I am a child aren't I? I am a child of the King! If my heart is where it should be, I am beautiful. No amount of makeup, or worldly praise will ever cause my heart to be content. In Christ alone I am content, I am free, and I am beautiful. 

This is me, Jane Ashley McNeil. I am beautiful, because I am servant of Christ, and I am fearfully, and wonderfully made. I have been bought with a price, and I owe my life to Jesus. 

So there I am, bare faced, happy, rejoicing, and full of contentment. 

I am in no way saying makeup is a bad thing, but it can become a bad thing if it causes us to lose sight of our true, and real beauty that is found in the innermost part of our hearts. I'll probably still play around with makeup, and wear it on "special occasions", but right now, I'm rediscovering my sense of self, and that I am truly beautiful. 

{ " Becca Cosmetics ~ Moonstone ~ Shimmering Skin Perfector Pressed }

That was a really long title. 

So, I started wearing "makeup" about a year ago. My makeup consists of mascara, highlighter, BB cream, and blush. I probably wear makeup two to three days a week. To be honest it's just something fun I like to do. I don't like to change my overall appearance, so I've stayed away from contouring, eyeliner, eye shadow, and foundation. I prefer to air on the side of just a healthy looking complexion, and fluttery defined eyelashes. My guilty pleasure is "high-end" cosmetics. Once I've walked through the doors at Sephora I'm lost in there for hours if you don't drag me out. When you do drag me out my arms, and hands are generally covered in lipstick, highlighter, and blush. On the rare occasion that I do get to purchase something from the glorious place which is Sephora, it's something I've long thought out. It's always a little painful to buy things from there, but it's always been worth it. I've only had to return two products, and they were things that did NOT work for me, hence making them totally not worth the purchase! 

Anyways, after that long introduction, I will get on to what this post is about! If you are following any "beauty-gurus" on social media sites I am 99% sure you have heard about the Becca Shimmering Skin Perfectors (evidently this isn't a real word...), the pressed, and liquid versions. The first product I purchased from Becca (or rather, my husband purchased for me from Becca) was the Shimmering Skin Perfector Pressed in Moonstone. At the time it was the only one of her pressed highlighters that was light enough for my fair skin. Now they have Champagne Pop, and Pearl. I want to get my hands on Champagne Pop sometime in the near future... 

So, this was the first highlighter I had ever used that was "high-end", and baby... It is high-end! It has a whopper of a price-tag at $38.00. That is a lot of money. Especially for this frugal-fanny over here who is used to buying $3.00 lipsticks at Walmart! I can't believe I'm saying this... but it is so worth the splurge. 

Let's go over the stats on this loverly product before I get into my thoughts!

You can take a peek at the product here on Sephora: CLICK ME!

Now, in case you don't want to go look at Sephora's site, and what they say about this beautiful highlighter... I will just plop it all in here for you! 

What it is: 
A creamy powder highlighter that absorbs and reflects light for the ultimate natural glow. 

What it does: 
Find refined luminosity in any light. This bestselling formula is enriched with ultrafine luminescent pearls that absorb, reflect, and refract light so your natural radiance is never lost. Unlike the traditional pressed powder method which simply mixes and compresses dry ingredients, this unique process blends pigments with proprietary liquid binders, resulting in unparalleled, creamy application with balanced color dispersion. Like a compact full of crushed gemstones, the multi-toned, ultra-fine pigment pearls adjust to your skin’s natural undertones for a truly unique glow. 

What it is formulated WITHOUT: 
- Parabens 

What else you need to know: 
For fuller-looking lips, follow lip gloss or lipstick with a dab of Shimmering Skin Perfector™ to the center of your lower lip.

I would say that this is all 100% true. It does give a unique, and gorgeous glow to the skin! 

Sephora describes this as a "pale gold" highlighter, and I completely agree. I think it suits basically any skin tone, from the fairest (a.k.a me) to much deeper skin tones. I would recommend it for anyone looking for a bright, and luminous glow to the cheeks!

First of all, it's gorgeous.

Secondly, it is so soft, buttery, smooth, and pigmented. It's actually insane. It's basically pure pigment with a gorgeous sheen, and "shimmer" when the light hits it. It does not have glitter. I have a hatred for highlighters that are packed with glitter. When I'm walking around with a face full of glitter I don't feel like I look naturally healthy, glowy, dewy, and fresh. I feel... like a fairy, and I don't want to feel like a fairy. It's super finely milled, and just... so so so soft, and luxurious.

The color is so gorgeous. The color is described as a pale gold, and I have to agree with that. I can compare it to Benefit HighBeam, and it's definitely more of a yellow tone, where HighBeam is more pink toned. It has a white undertone, and it's very strong when applied heavily. It can be blended to look super natural, or packed on to look super intense like in the photo below. I don't actually wear it heavily packed on, but I wanted to show you all how intense you could make this. Granted, it still looks insanely gorgeous packed on. I prefer it to be a little more diffused for an everyday look. I have seen plenty of ladies pull it off applied super heavily for a sultry night-time look, and it's gorgeous that way too! 

I apply it with a Real Techniques setting brush to the tops of my cheek bones after applying my blush, then I blend the two together with a powder brush so there isn't a harsh zebra-esque line down my cheek! 

The packaging is gorgeous, like all of Becca's packaging, and it looks like a little UFO. It's very sturdy, and has a mirror that is the same size as the compact. The black on the packaging shows resemblance of Nars packaging, and it's very soft, and velvety. The packaging gets quite dirty with use, but it's packaging. Don't sweat the small stuff! The product inside is definitely worth dusty packaging!

Well, I'm getting back into the groove of things now that I'm a married woman! I have a lot of time at home, and if I'm not at home I'm at work with my husband, at my parents house, or with my horse. I'm planning on doing reviews more often, and some other "homemaker-esque" posts. 

I hope you found this helpful! 

Talk to you all soon! 

xoxo,