I have gone makeup free for almost two weeks now, and it has reopened my eyes...
When I started wearing makeup a couple of years ago, I didn't actually know what effect it would have on my over all "self esteem". I feel like most women find that makeup boosts their self esteem. It makes you feel more confident, sometimes older, sometimes younger, more put together, and more attractive. Well, those can all be true. But, what happens when the makeup comes off? Does that confidence level sink, do you feel like you look old again, do you feel like you look like a child again, or perhaps less attractive? I'm pretty sure the answer to all of those questions in a lot of cases is yes. Anyone can use the excuse that you're "enhancing" your natural beauty... And, I guess it could be true. But, who is born with perfectly blurred, and bright under eyes, bronze eyelids, and eyelashes that are long enough to reach above their eyebrows?! Not anyone I know...
I realized I started to look at other women, with makeup on, or without, and I couldn't get over how beautiful they were. Why wasn't I that beautiful? What could I do to make myself more beautiful? Could I pile on more mascara? More tinted moisturizer? More blush, and highlighter? Maybe if I put on an "on trend" lip color I'd look more grown up.
I have a secret to tell you all... The only way I was going to make myself more beautiful, was by making my inside more like Christ. This really shouldn't be a secret, but I feel like it is. Your heart shines onto your face. The stereotypical world view of beauty is generally this...
I'm pretty sure that day I felt "attractive", "awake", and "mature"... To be honest, I'm not sure who that girl is anymore. So why does some black paint on our eyelashes, and some pink dust on our cheeks make us feel so significant, and uplifted? It is, because we care so much about what others think about us, without even realizing it! One of my biggest issues with my self image is that I look so young. I really started getting into makeup when I had a lot of photography "gigs", and I felt like I needed to look professional. When I had makeup on, my age was never questioned. Well, last week I was asked TWICE what grade I was in... GRADE! Not even what I do for work, or if I was in college. When I told the women I was married, they both had a very similar reaction, and they were shocked. The fact that people always mistook my age bothered me SO much that I always made sure I had mascara on in public. I couldn't run the risk of people thinking I was a ginormous little kid!
My husband is the real reason I stopped wearing makeup for these past two weeks. I am so grateful for him, and his true love for me. He actually doesn't like it when I wear makeup. He doesn't like that girl up there in that first picture. He loves her though. He pointed out to me, that focusing on my self image, my self esteem, and how I "felt" I looked, took my focus off of where it should be. Christ. He asked me what good would there be if I gained the world, but lost my soul. I had lost sight of the fact that God made me exactly how He desired. I will always, and have always been beautiful to God. Why should I care if I look like a child to other people?! Well, I am a child aren't I? I am a child of the King! If my heart is where it should be, I am beautiful. No amount of makeup, or worldly praise will ever cause my heart to be content. In Christ alone I am content, I am free, and I am beautiful.
This is me, Jane Ashley McNeil. I am beautiful, because I am servant of Christ, and I am fearfully, and wonderfully made. I have been bought with a price, and I owe my life to Jesus.
So there I am, bare faced, happy, rejoicing, and full of contentment.
I am in no way saying makeup is a bad thing, but it can become a bad thing if it causes us to lose sight of our true, and real beauty that is found in the innermost part of our hearts. I'll probably still play around with makeup, and wear it on "special occasions", but right now, I'm rediscovering my sense of self, and that I am truly beautiful.
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