{ " It's been a while... " }

Well, it's been quite some time since I've posted! I was doing so well with keeping up with regular postings, and then I seemed to just forget about the little old blog! Plus, I've been quite busy!

Let's see... I left off in February...

February 28th marked John's twentieth birthday! We celebrated with gifts, and then headed out to lunch with his dad. It was wonderful to be able to celebrate his birthday with him!

As you all know, on December 25th, John proposed to me! Also on Christmas Day, my grandma (mom's mother) was moved to the Masonic Home in Charlton after falling, and breaking her arm. We visited her to give her the good news, and she was tired, but so excited for us! The "plan" was that her arm would heal, and she would head home. Well, she ended up on oxygen, which prompted my aunts to clean out her apartment, and get rid of it. It was a hard pill for all of us to swallow, and I know it was especially hard for my mom. Grandma had lived there for what seemed like forever, and it will always still be known as "Grandma's House", on "Grandma's Street", near "Grandma's 4-Way Stop". She seemed to be recovering nicely, and we visited her more often than not. We didn't go a week without seeing her, and we were sometimes there a few times a week. It was wonderful that she got to know John, and she loved him so much. I'm pretty sure she loved him almost as much as I do! Her health went up, and down, and sadly after going down, it didn't come back up. After many evenings spent watching HSN, and random TV shows with her in room, those laughter filled nights had to come to an end. The first Sunday in March, mom, dad, and the kids went to visit Grandma while I was with John. Mom messaged me online to tell me that I should go to see Grandma before I went home that night. She was almost unresponsive, and when she did respond it was all hallucinations. I remember sitting in that room, holding her hand, and feeling my heart break. That night we didn't laugh, and smiling seemed almost impossible. When we left that night the only thing I remember her saying is, "It's almost time for me to go home." Home. Not home to 5 Wells St. but rather, home to Jesus. When we got to the car I cried harder than I had cried in years. John simply held me tight, and fought back his own tears as I broke down completely.The following days were hard, and she was brought to the hospital when they found she had a severe gall bladder infection. The infection worsened, and they put in a drain to fix it, but it was incurable at that point. It had spread, and surgery was too risky. But, while she was awake, she was happy. Even if she didn't know who we were, she was happy. They moved her back to the Masonic Home, and she slept most of the time. She had one high day. Two days before she went home. She was up drinking coffee, laughing, and smiling. She was surrounded by friends, and family who loved her so dearly. Friday, March 13th she was still hanging on, even though for a week they were telling us she only had hours left. I hadn't yet brought myself to the place where I could truly say goodbye to her. I was still holding on to this selfish hope that she wouldn't leave us. That God would let her stay for just a little while longer. On Friday March 13th, I felt a tug at my heart, and instead of going straight home after picking John up from work, I asked him if we could go to see Grandma. When we arrived there were several people in the room, but they made room for me to sit beside her bed. I sat there, and held her weak, frail hand, and talked to her. She couldn't respond, but I brought up memories, told her stories, told her about our wedding plans, joked about all the pairs of size eight Alfred Dunner pants she had, and all the while I held back my tears. We all sang How Great Thou Art and the pastor from her church read scripture. When it came to about 9:30PM, I decided it was time to leave. She was still hanging on, but she was fading. I think the hardest thing I had ever done was when I let go of her hand that night, and I finally said goodbye. The last words I said to my grandmother were, "I love you, Grandma. I'll see you soon." They were the hardest words I had ever said, but at the same time I felt peace wash over me. I will never let her go completely, but I finally let her go to the Father's arms. I heard the phone ring in the middle of the night, and I knew that meant she had gone. She left us peacefully in her sleep, and she made her way to the Father's arms. To her true home. On March 14, 2015 Grandma went home.

May 6th marked my 20th birthday, and it was a wonderful day. John spoiled me, and took the day off of work to bring me on many adventures. Then I spent the evening with my family, including John, and my future mother-in-law.

June 15th rolled around, and Gunner Steel entered into my life. He's possibly the most insane, most wonderful, and most beautiful horse I have ever met. He has made me into the bombproof rider I am today! Mainly because of one ride he took me on about a month ago where I had to jump ship whilst he was running up to 30MPH while we were on a trail ride... That was fun!

September 1st was the first day we paid rent in our apartment. OUR apartment! Of course we won't be living together til we are married, but it's so awesome! Watch for my next blog post that will include photos!

Now we are wedding planning like crazy! The date we set is December 19th, 2015, and we are so excited! Granted, I'm slightly terrified. Hehe. Pretty soon I'm going to be a Mrs!

So yes, there's a little catch up, I shall enlighten more on my next post!

Xoxo!

{ " My Valentine " }

I know I'm a week late... but, better late than never, right? 

Needless to say, my wonderful fiance was my Valentine this year. 

It was a totally new concept for me, because I've never actually really celebrated Valentine's Day. I've given friends little valentines, and I've always acknowledged the day, but I've never had a Valentine. And, to think that next year my Valentine won't be my fiance anymore... He'll be my husband! 

John spoiled me to death on Valentine's Day. I guess I should have seen it coming though, because he spoils me every chance he gets. I had the most wonderful day. It started off with him arriving at our house with roses, and chocolate. I've never liked roses. Or so I thought... Because it was him handing me those beautiful roses, I couldn't not like them. We were going out to lunch, so we headed to the car, and in the passenger's seat was a little brown bear, an envelope, and a little blue box. Inside the box was a beautiful sterling silver bracelet. The outer edge has the coordinates to the place we met engraved on it, and inside it reads "forever and a day", which is our little saying. That was such an amazing surprise. A few weeks prior I had been telling him, and mom about wanting a bracelet just like the one he gave me, and the thought was really what struck me. He had to find the coordinates, find somewhere to get the bracelet, and remember exactly how I had said I wanted it. So after I almost cried, we went out to have lunch at Uno's, which was amazing! Then we went to see a movie... The only movie that was even the slightest bit intriguing was Paddington. Believe it or not I actually loved the movie. It was so cute, and definitely not too childish. I do believe we were the only young couple that went to see that movie on Valentine's Day... but, we're supposed to be different!

So I had a wonderful Valentine's Day, and I wouldn't change one part of it! 

I'm so blessed that God gave me such an incredible man to spend the rest of my life with! 

xoxo, 

{ " Smiles. " }

Just thought I'd share these pictures that Abigail snapped of John, and I last Sunday. A couple people have mentioned now that we look like Flynn, and Rapunzel from Tangled. I think that's pretty amusing, and I can even see the resemblance! Anyways, I love these pictures, and I wanted to share them. I can't wait until we get our engagement pictures done by the photographer we're working with for our wedding. She's incredible, and I'm so excited about having our pictures done this spring! I actually cut down on decoration, and venue costs so I could get a good photographer. I think we'll have a blast with our engagement pictures! 

Hope you're all enjoying the snow if you're in New England! ♥

xoxo, 

{ " Craving Change and Vitamin D " }

I've realized that at the beginning of every year I am vitamin D deficient, and I slip into a slightly depressed state. It happens at the end of January, and seeps into February. I hadn't really been aware of it before, and plus I had had reasons in previous years to become slightly down in the dumps.

This year I had absolutely nothing to be down about, and yet I once again slipped into that depressive state. Unfortunately not only mom noticed, but John noticed as well. It started on Saturday afternoon, when I just felt drained of life. I wasn't even tired just... bored. Then Sunday it carried on, and by Monday I felt absolutely wrecked. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to play games, eating didn't even seem like a good idea. Since John is a teacher, he was here, because of the snowstorm, and school being cancelled. So, he even noticed the way I had started acting. I just felt emotionless, I didn't feel happy, sad, or otherwise. I sat on our couch, silently, and knitted for who knows how long. The feeling was horrible. I kind of just felt empty. I didn't really feel discontent, but at the same time I wasn't content. I wasn't excited about being awake, or alive, or anything really. I was just living. I know it sounds silly, that this all seemed to come on so quickly in one weekend, but it's possible. My mind was wandering, and telling me I wanted things that I couldn't have, and that I needed things that I didn't. Little did I know, I was craving change as well. I hadn't really thought about it. I love change. I love being active, I can't stand sitting around anymore, and I love exciting things. Life had been go-go-go since September, then in December we got engaged, and then all of a sudden things just stopped. John was back to work, I was at home, and life slowed back down. I'm not able to go to the barn like normal, because of issues the cold weather afflicts on me physically. Sure, being engaged was (and still is) exciting, but it wasn't new anymore, and it wasn't as exciting. My mind craves new things, and craves changes. I guess in the mix of going back to the barn, meeting John again, being with John again, and then suddenly being engaged, my mind had been hyped up on change. When the change stopped, life seemed to also stop. It probably sounds silly, because most people aren't fond of change... and, if you're one of those people, that's okay. But, I'm not. I kind of thrive on new things, and changes. When life becomes placid, I need little things to mix it up. I realized I was craving change when I suddenly wanted to cut bangs in my hair, and I actually picked up my shears to do it. I also started wearing red lipstick, and red lip gloss, which is new. I wanted to rearrange my room, and I started styling my hair differently. Plus I was itching to get a job somewhere... even Walmart! It all pointed to the fact that my mind was craving something new, something it wasn't getting anymore.

So, I taught myself how to knit.

I bought more red lip gloss. 

And, today I rearranged my room. 

Needless to say, the little changes seemed to perk my mind up a bit. Plus I have been taking vitamin D now, which I'm sure is also helping to balance out the weird depressive state. By Wednesday morning I was back on my feet, and feeling mostly like myself again. Today I'm back to my normal, crazy self, and I'm so glad. I even went outside to play with the kids this afternoon, which was a crazy amount of fun, especially when I stepped into a drift where the snow came to my hips! (Realizing I only have 317 days left in my house has caused me to cherish the little moments I have with my siblings, because I'll miss them someday very soon.) Now I know never to forget to take vitamin D in the winter, and to make sure I keep a normal amount of little changes going on in life to keep my mind from getting too bored with the every day, even if it's just rearranging the way my nail polish is in my boxes... 

I can definitely say that in my mind:

Change is good!

Not too much change of course, but just enough to keep my active little mind content! I was also reminded of how incredibly full of love for me my fiance is, and just how thankful for him I am. He stuck with me through those few miserable days, wiped away many tears, held onto me really tightly, chose to love me despite my depressive cranky state of mind, and he did his best to remind me of just how much he loved me, even though I definitely wasn't doing a great job of reminding him of how much I love him.

Have you made any little changes in your routine lately? Do you enjoy change? Or do you prefer things just as they are? 

xoxo, 

Jane

{ " Favorite Red Lip " }

As my last post stated, I've been trying out some more bold choices for lip colors. I am particularly fond of red lips on fair skin, so I was drawn to trying out some red lip colors. I have finally found the one! It doesn't make me feel like I'm trying too hard, but it still makes me feel glamorous, and done up. It isn't quite as bright as it is coming off in the hand swatch, and that is why I love it. It is suuuuuper glossy, and happens to be from one of my favorite lines of lip products. 

This color is 020 Signature Scarlet from the Maybelline Color Elixir line. These glosses are incredible! They're highly pigmented, beautifully glossy, and not sticky at all. They feel super light on the lips, and they're rather low maintenance. They don't last very long, and they're higher up on the price range (around $7.99 at drugstores) but the rest of the pros make up for the couple of cons! 

This red is a gorgeous somewhat bright, mid toned red. It's definitely my kind of red! I've definitely fallen for this gloss, and I'm planning on buying a back up too! 

What do you all think of the Maybelline Color Elixirs? Would you be interested in tying them? I'll have a post up with some more swatches from this line, quite soon! 

Thanks for reading! 

Xoxo,

Jane Ashley

{ " Revlon Colorburst Matte Balm " }

Well, I've been quite daring as of late, and I've been trying out some more bold lip colors. I've mainly been playing around with reds, and while this particular one isn't my favorite shade, I've grown to like it.

I wear very minimal makeup, as in tinted moisturizer, and a small amount of mascara. So, I never knew if I could pull off something as daring as a red lip. It's definitely intimidating, and I'm not sure if I can technically pull it off, but I'm trying! My fiancè didn't run away in fear when he first saw it, in fact he complimented me on my bold choice!

This color is a little bit bright, and a little bit orange for my tastes, but I'm warming up to it. The one thing I noticed is that it is super drying. The color is extremely pigmented, and it wears for a good while, without leaving a dark stain. It is quite matte, not too too dry, but pretty matte.

I suppose this is more of a swatching post than an actual review, because I'm out of practice, and reviews seem so difficult right now! I would describe this as a slightly warm red, which I think I should have opted for a cool toned red, but that's okay! I'm still not sure if this particular red suits me, I actually prefer a glossy red. I used a very light application with this, and I blended it in with  my fingers. The crayon shape helps for more precise application, but you definitely need a lip liner. I used a universal/clear lip liner from Rimmel (which actually feels like dragging a candle on your lips, definitely not fond of that one!). I did find that I was left with a red rim on the edges of my lips, and the color definitely wore in the center first. I would like to try other colors from this collection though, so I can try out some more matte lip colors.

** Just a note, the color is a lot brighter than it is appearing on my lips in the photos. It's closer to the color of the actual hand swatch. **

What do you think? Can I pull off a red lip? Are you one to dive into bold lip colors with very minimal makeup?
I'll have a swatch of a Maybelline Color Elixr coming up soon, because it's my new favorite gloss to wear! Hopefully I'll have that up by Tuesday.

Thanks for reading!
xoxo,
Jane

{ " A Little Love Story " }

In my last post you all got a little snippet of what God has been doing in my life. Well, He has certainly been doing some extraordinary things!

Everyone, meet John.
In less than three hundred and thirty days, he will be my husband.

On December 25, 2014, said, "YES!" To the man of my dreams, and my very best friend.

Now that you've enjoyed that little snippet of what happened on that day... I just have to get this out...

I'm getting married!

I still can't believe it, and it happened weeks ago, now! I've been collecting more things for our home, and starting to plan our wedding. It seems quite insane that I'm planning a wedding. I mean, I wasn't counting on that time coming for a long time, and now here it is, at my doorstep!

I'm so blessed to have such a godly, intelligent, loving, and brave man in my life. The fact that I get to call him my husband in less than 12 months is unbelievable! I am still freaking out a little!

It is just amazing how God works in our lives. When I met John 10 years ago, I never once thought he would someday be my husband. Even when I "re-met" him after being apart for five years, I didn't think at first that I would be his wife. Well... I am! It didn't take long for me to "fall" head over heels for the handsome cowboy that once again stole my heart. We talked every night after we met again, and soon chatting on Facebook turned into phone calls filled with stories, memories, giggles, and sometimes tears. By November of last year, only two months after we had been reunited, we had grown so attached to each other that when he left for a teacher's conference for a weekend, I actually cried. The timing of our reunion couldn't have been anymore perfect, for several reasons. God truly has a plan for each of our lives, and His timing was evident in our relationship. I think there are plenty of people out there who think we're crazy. Engaged after knowing each other for four months? Yeah, sounds crazy, I know. But, there hasn't been one moment that I have doubted this was God's plan for our lives. Ever since the very beginning there was this peace that flooded my heart, and told me just to be still, and trust. It took me a while to finally hand the pen of my love story over to God, but when I did, He showed me just how worthwhile that is. I am so overwhelmed with happiness that I get to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful man. Life with him is already such an amazing adventure, I can't wait to see what's down the road! Since the beginning of December we haven't gone a day without seeing each other, and I don't plan on breaking that record anytime soon! 

Seems this blog might turn into more of a wedding planning, and lifestyle blog for the rest of the year. I'm so excited to share this chapter of my life with you all! 

xoxo, 

Jane Ashley