{ " Craving Change and Vitamin D " }

I've realized that at the beginning of every year I am vitamin D deficient, and I slip into a slightly depressed state. It happens at the end of January, and seeps into February. I hadn't really been aware of it before, and plus I had had reasons in previous years to become slightly down in the dumps.

This year I had absolutely nothing to be down about, and yet I once again slipped into that depressive state. Unfortunately not only mom noticed, but John noticed as well. It started on Saturday afternoon, when I just felt drained of life. I wasn't even tired just... bored. Then Sunday it carried on, and by Monday I felt absolutely wrecked. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to play games, eating didn't even seem like a good idea. Since John is a teacher, he was here, because of the snowstorm, and school being cancelled. So, he even noticed the way I had started acting. I just felt emotionless, I didn't feel happy, sad, or otherwise. I sat on our couch, silently, and knitted for who knows how long. The feeling was horrible. I kind of just felt empty. I didn't really feel discontent, but at the same time I wasn't content. I wasn't excited about being awake, or alive, or anything really. I was just living. I know it sounds silly, that this all seemed to come on so quickly in one weekend, but it's possible. My mind was wandering, and telling me I wanted things that I couldn't have, and that I needed things that I didn't. Little did I know, I was craving change as well. I hadn't really thought about it. I love change. I love being active, I can't stand sitting around anymore, and I love exciting things. Life had been go-go-go since September, then in December we got engaged, and then all of a sudden things just stopped. John was back to work, I was at home, and life slowed back down. I'm not able to go to the barn like normal, because of issues the cold weather afflicts on me physically. Sure, being engaged was (and still is) exciting, but it wasn't new anymore, and it wasn't as exciting. My mind craves new things, and craves changes. I guess in the mix of going back to the barn, meeting John again, being with John again, and then suddenly being engaged, my mind had been hyped up on change. When the change stopped, life seemed to also stop. It probably sounds silly, because most people aren't fond of change... and, if you're one of those people, that's okay. But, I'm not. I kind of thrive on new things, and changes. When life becomes placid, I need little things to mix it up. I realized I was craving change when I suddenly wanted to cut bangs in my hair, and I actually picked up my shears to do it. I also started wearing red lipstick, and red lip gloss, which is new. I wanted to rearrange my room, and I started styling my hair differently. Plus I was itching to get a job somewhere... even Walmart! It all pointed to the fact that my mind was craving something new, something it wasn't getting anymore.

So, I taught myself how to knit.

I bought more red lip gloss. 

And, today I rearranged my room. 

Needless to say, the little changes seemed to perk my mind up a bit. Plus I have been taking vitamin D now, which I'm sure is also helping to balance out the weird depressive state. By Wednesday morning I was back on my feet, and feeling mostly like myself again. Today I'm back to my normal, crazy self, and I'm so glad. I even went outside to play with the kids this afternoon, which was a crazy amount of fun, especially when I stepped into a drift where the snow came to my hips! (Realizing I only have 317 days left in my house has caused me to cherish the little moments I have with my siblings, because I'll miss them someday very soon.) Now I know never to forget to take vitamin D in the winter, and to make sure I keep a normal amount of little changes going on in life to keep my mind from getting too bored with the every day, even if it's just rearranging the way my nail polish is in my boxes... 

I can definitely say that in my mind:

Change is good!

Not too much change of course, but just enough to keep my active little mind content! I was also reminded of how incredibly full of love for me my fiance is, and just how thankful for him I am. He stuck with me through those few miserable days, wiped away many tears, held onto me really tightly, chose to love me despite my depressive cranky state of mind, and he did his best to remind me of just how much he loved me, even though I definitely wasn't doing a great job of reminding him of how much I love him.

Have you made any little changes in your routine lately? Do you enjoy change? Or do you prefer things just as they are? 

xoxo, 

Jane